Dear Potential Mother,

I do not know you and you do not know me too.But we have one thing

in common.We have a strong desire to carry our own babies.My husband is

a nice man.And right from the day he met me,he often times went out of

his way to prove that he could take care of me.When we were preparing

for our wedding.I remember he gave me $20,000 to go to Paris to shop.I

had complained that it was too much money to waste on a shopping

spree,but he told me that no amount was too much when it came to

issues of the heart.”Beatrice i love you so much.Once you are happy am

happy”.I remember him telling me.Owning to the resources available,

our wedding was way out of this world.Everyone who was

someone,came,and that also had it loads of burden.Exactly one year

after all those people who had gathered to wine and dine with us for

the wedding were asking questions about me.And with each passing

anniversary,which they were busy checking on us,the inquiry kept


Sometimes,some of them will send me some text messages i felt,were

pregnant with meaning.i remember the one i got from my husbands eldest

brother;Frederick five years after wedding it read:Beatrice,happy

wedding anniversary,cant believe its been five years since we all

gathered to make merry over your wedding. Make God answer all the

prayers at that wedding this year!

It took me several hours to ponder the words of that text message.At

a point i did not know whether it was an insult or a prayer.

But that is part of the agony of a childless woman.Whatever is said

in that regard is has a way of affecting you.In fact you get to a point

when you will linger,when you will no longer be able to draw a

distinct line between comments and mockery.

I remember the encounter i had with my husbands sister,Michell,She

used to e my anchor of hope in the house,so it shocked me when she

made hat kind of comment before me that date.She met me sitting in the

living room,Watching TV and started to tell me about her encounter in

the bus.

“Beatrice wonders will never end.Something happened inside the bus

today.”she started.

“One innocent baby,who was sitting on his mother’s lap,urinated and

some how his urine touched the lady sitting close by, and all hell was

let loose”.”The mother should have covered the baby with pampers.She

caused the problem”.I replied innocently.What if she did not have?In

fact,she asked the lady the same question ,and the lady asked the

young mother why she should get pregnant for a man who could not

afford pampers.From that point everyone went haywire,along the line

they discovered the woman did not have her own baby.Trust people they

started abusing her.Me i also joined in abusing her even though she

was crying .Michelle said.”You abused her?”. I asked feeling surge of

anger through me.Yes i did.If she had her own baby,she would be humane

to know that life is unpredictable.She’s wicked woman that is why she

did not have her own baby.Michelle said succinctly.

Instantly i took her on.I tried o explain to her that such issues as

having babies was entirely left for God.I tried to explain to her that

such issues as having babies was entirely left for God.I had told her

there is nothing any woman can do about it.Michelle got offended

instead.”Beatrice why are you taking this personal? in fact you are

also behaving like that lady in the bus.You need to change your


At that point i knew she wanted to say something to me,so i quietly

went to my room wrote it down in my diary and cried upon my pillow.

When you are married without a baby,people will embarrass you in a

lot of ways in fact,Sometimes the embarrassment comes from the most

unlikely places.One day i went to the market to buy fresh fish which i

wanted to prepare for Mark .After selecting the ones i wanted,i asked

the woman how much i would pay.”Give me N2500,she said.”Ah…that’s too

much.I would pay N1300.”I replied.”N1300.Madam someone who has not

suckled a baby cannot come to the market an bargain like this.She

remarked.”Nonsense,”i told her and walked off to the woman nearby.I

ended up paying the woman well to spite her neighbor who insulted

me.But that was not as heartbreaking as what happened to me when i got

home when i finished cooking that evening.I had gone to the room to

invite my husband to the table for dinner and some how,he walked when

the food was not on the table. “why are you always annoying m?Mark


You came to the room t tell me that dinner was ready,yet there is no

food on the dining room table.What kind of human being are you?””Honey

it is ready. Its just to put it in the plate that all.”I

explained,”Dont honey me you hear.You have this things of hurrying

people into things when you are not ready,”He replied.”How do you

mean?”I asked him “was that not how you hurried me into marriage when

you know quite well you are not ready to start a family?”He sound like

some who has been bottling this fact in his mind all the while.

I did not respond.I just suppressed the tears that was the tears

that was coming down my eyes,served him the food and walked into the

room to cry.It was so bad that after what i encountered at the

market,i was also coming home to experience something worse.

Did Mark come to console me?No he did not.In fact,for one week,he

kept malice with me,returning my greeting with a grunt.Somehow that

incident coincided with when i was undergoing with infertility

treatment.I had met my doctor who assured me that i would conceive

that week with the medication administered to me.”Tell your husband to

make love to you this week.he said.

But Mark was having issues with me he was barely eating my food,bare

returning my greetings.That night it was a tug of war to get him to

come to me.I had i had gone to meet him in bed but he rose up like

someone stung by a bee,took the pillow and went to the sitting room to

lie on the sofa.I went to meet him there.”Honey the doctor said i have

high chances of conceiving this week.”So make love to me please,I was

almost begging.”Thats how the doctor is telling you always.He has said

the same thing for eight years now.Yet nothing has happened.What is the

use wasting my energy?”mark had barked

I stood stiff,miffed with comments beclouding me.So he had been

wasting his energy?I did not know until then,but i also managed to

write it in my diary,like i usually did.perhaps my worst encounters

was with the so called men of God.You can trust a woman desperate for

a baby,i met countless of them.I remembered been directed to one in

Lagos .And the moment i walked in, he screamed.”Why are people like

this?Why?Why are good women suffering for bad husbands?God why?”He had

said.”Madam your husband is responsible for our predicament.he made a

vow in the spirit and exchanged your babies for wealth”.I breathed out

and cast my mind back to the days.Mark has always been

comfortable.Before he eve married me i know he was worth millions,so

the issue of using babies to exchange for his wealth should not have


it was after a few more sessions,that i realized why the pastor was

talking like that.He told me there was a solution to look

elsewhere.According to him,my husband was determined to frustrate my

my attempts at been a mother spiritually.

Of course i asked him what i should do in that circumstances.He wrote a

note one small piece of paper ,folded it and gave me.When i opened

it,it it turn out the address of a hotel in town! At the lower

portion it read 6.30 pm boldly.

I tore the paper before him and walked away.Before then i had had

countless which bothered on money, vows tithes.But it had never come

close to asking for my body.Each of those encounters i usually wrote

them on my diary.

But one day while i was sleeping,i had a dream.I met a man who was

clad in sparkling white garment.he would not allow me to see his

face,an as much as i tried,he would shield it from me.”Your body lies

in that diary’.He seemed to have said.”Burn it,destroy it and tear

it.You must forgive all this who has trespassed against you and you

will see what the lord can do.”

The next morning i woke up sweating profusely despite it was

harmattan.Without telling anyone i removed the diary from my box,took

it to the kitchen and burnt it.I could not believe i was burning all

the book that contained all the evil words people said t me.But some

two months later,i noticed changes in my body.I became

restless.Morning became nauseating for me,because of some funny

feelings,weakness that seem to overwhelm me.

I went to the hospital,and my joy was confirmed.I was pregnant

after all .Ten years of agony has come to an end.

So if you are in the pongs of childlessness,help is not in losing

hope,neither is it doctors and prophets and the rest. Seek the face

of the lord.Eschew all the evil people may have said,just forgive

them,and forget.

Thank you.

Yours Sincerely,


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